KennethBow's Blog

One Grain of Sand

I think of people as the sand of the sea
Wondering which little grain could ever be me,
I look at the Pacific and it’s sandy shores,
The great Atlantic and it’s sand galore.

Walking the world and seeing it’s beaches,
As far as I can see the sand still reaches.
Yet if you took one out and made the test,
You would have to confess there is one grain less.

With four and one half billion of my kind,
Where would you hope this one grain to find.
And while you look the looker might sigh,
To find this one grain in the lookers eye.

When you look at the sand and see it as such,
One little grain doesn’t seem to be much,
Where I am at and the place I fill,
(Let me speak a little bold),
It’s such as I am that makes up the whole.

I.H. Terry

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This is taken from Mort Fertel’s advice on Marriage fitness. I thought it worth passing on.

“I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you?”

What does that statement mean?

A person who says, “I love you, but I’m not IN
LOVE with you,” is making a distinction between 2
different feelings. But NEITHER of those feelings
are love!

When a person says, “I love you, but I’m not IN
LOVE with you,” they’re saying that I CARE about
you but I’m not EXCITED about you.

CARING about someone is a good thing. It’s
reflective of CONCERN. But it’s different than
love. I care about the starving children in
Africa, but I don’t love them.

Being EXCITED about someone is also a good thing.
But it’s different than love. I might be excited
to have a relationship with the President of the
United States or a Hollywood star, but that
doesn’t mean I love them.

While someone who says, “I love you, but I’m not
IN LOVE with you” seems to be making a
distinction between “different loves;” in fact,
they are expressing their confusion about what
love really is. And that’s why they’re having
marital problems.

Love is something we articulate in the vocabulary
of ACTION. Love is a verb. It’s not a feeling you
get from another PERSON; it’s an experience you
receive as a result of DEEDS YOU DO for another
person.

And those deeds are not a secret. In other words,
love is NOT a mystery! There are specific things
you can do with your spouse to solve your
problems and build love in your marriage. Just
as there are physical laws of the universe (such
as gravity), there are also laws for
relationships. Just as the right diet and
exercise program makes you physically stronger,
certain habits in your relationship WILL make
your marriage stronger. It’s a direct cause and
effect. If you know and apply the laws, the
results are predictable…you can “make” love.
This is exactly why I created the Marriage
Fitness program. I wanted to offer people a
step-by-step system to make and maintain love in
their marriage. And the program works for any
marriage, even if only one spouse does it.

Very often in the program someone will say to me,
“I love my spouse, but I’m not IN LOVE with my
spouse.”

My immediate response is to ask, “Can you list
for me 5 ways in the last week that you’ve
DEMONSTRATED your love for your spouse?”

I usually hear noise on the other end of the
phone; grunts, partial statements, and gasps for
breath, but none of what I hear ever passes for
an answer to my question.

“I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you” is a
cop out. It basically means that I have no clue
how to make a relationship last LONG-TERM so I’m
exiting to get high from another short-term
romance. But whoever they’re IN LOVE with now
will also eventually hear, “I love you, but I’m
not IN LOVE with you.”

You can check out Mort Fertel at his website http://www.marriagemax.com

Thanks for reading today.

3 Responses »

   Where there is no vision, the people perish: Proverbs. 29.18

   18 If people can’t see what God is doing,
  they stumble all over themselves;
But when they attend to what he reveals,
  they are most blessed.  (MSG)

Webster’s 1970 edition of The New World Dictionary lists six definitions for vision, the fourth says that vision is, “the ability to foresee or perceive something not actually visible, as through mental acuteness.” Myles Munroe says, “Vision is the ability to see farther than your physical eyes can look” (Munroe 2003, 17). According to George Barna, “Vision transcends time” (Barna 2003, 15). Yet another author says vision includes optimism and faith and is venturous (Sanders 1994, 56). Jim Collins sees vision a bit differently. His “hedgehog concept” is realizing the one thing you were called to do well and focusing and filtering all other ideas through that one concept (Collins 2001).
    

     Biblically, a vision can be several things. Isaiah had a vision of the Lord in the temple. Samuel’s vision of the Lord in 1 Samuel 3 was auditory and apparently not even visible since Samuel responded by going to Eli three times before receiving the vision through the voice of the Lord. Paul’s vision of the Lord was both in Word and sight as he experienced the resurrected Lord on the way to Damascus. In Hebrews, faith is described in the ESV as “the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.”

Let me say this right from the top: there is no single more important factor to the success of a church than a clear, crisp, shared vision.  Period.  Now let me tell you why.

I have seen a lot of projects.  Big projects involving many hundreds of people over many years and with many variables.  Small projects involving a couple of people over a couple of weeks.  And many in between.  While it is self-evident that having a clear, shared vision isn’t a magic bullet that solves all problems, it is equally clear to me that every church without one, struggles and often fails. 

There are a number of reasons why having a vision is so important:

A vision helps everyone in the church make decisions
A vision is a useful yardstick for success, and failure
A vision can form the basis for the promotion for church departments
A vision is a rallying cry, greatly improves morale

Without a vision, church members make many day-to-day decisions in a vacuum.  Most of our lives are made up of hundreds of small choices, and a few large ones.  What should I have for lunch?  Should I take I-5 or the surface streets?  Should I marry this person?  Some context for making all these decisions is vital.

In our personal lives, we make these choices based on many factors, from our experience, our research, even our faith.  Our church lives are very much the same, decisions get based on some framework. 

Without a vision, everyone from the top of the organization on down is left to make decisions without a common goal.

For example, let’s say you are constructing a new building whose vision is: create the tallest building in the world on this specific site in Tokyo for a budget of 750 million yen. 

With that vision, the architect clearly knows that anything less than the tallest building is not correct.  They also know the parameters of what they can spend on materials, because they have a budget.  The construction managers know precisely what the location is, what access to the site is like, and what they need to consider with respect to zoning laws.  And each worker knows where to report.

But it goes beyond that.  As the project progresses, questions will come up.  Should we add this flagpole to the top?  Having this vision helps make that decision — it adds to the height and furthers the vision, so “yes”, add the flagpole. 

The people working on the project know clearly the objective, so this decision doesn’t have to be discussed and debated to death.  There are thousands of other small decisions that having a clear, crisp, well-communicated vision can help you with.

It is a useful yardstick.

A vision provides often provides a clear yardstick for success.  To take the previous example, if the building is 10 meters short of the tallest building in the world, you know precisely that it was not a success.  As it progresses, and the budget is consumed, you can tell precisely how you are doing against the goal of 750 million yen.  And so on.

The vision can illuminate well down into the church as well.

If you are working on a small part of the project, and what you are doing is not in concert with, or worse, in direct opposition to the vision, you know there is a problem.  With a properly defined vision, everyone in the church can not only measure their part in the project, but also their performance against it.

Once you have a clear vision, it also can enlighten outside the church.   Again taking the above example, you know the promotional material for this building will trumpet the fact that it is the tallest building in the world.

Great visions also lead to great results.

If a vision is exciting and invigorating for the church, it can also be invigorating for the saints. 

It is a rallying cry.

Perhaps the most important thing that a great vision can do is serve as a rallying cry for the church.  Many times members of the church will be asked by friends, coworkers, family, everyone, “what are you up to these days?”  Having a crisp, snappy reply can be extremely invigorating for people.

“Building the tallest building in the world” or “I am giving outside my life!” is a quick comeback to the question and is enough to make most people extremely proud.  Not only are they proud of what they want to do, but it enables them to speak spontaneously about their part in it, and to feel like what they are doing has some meaning.

Contrast this with the typical reply: “oh, you know, same ol’, same ol’.”  Many people aren’t fortunate to go to work doing something they love to do, or can be proud to be a part of.  Use the vision for your church as a way to communicate the importance of the goal to every member of the church, and let them share in the passion you have for the goal.

Besides, if your vision is good, clear, and full of impact, you can use it at the end of every service, promote it through every department, etc.

Summary — Vision is Extremely Important!

A clear, crisp, well-communicated vision that is shared by, and used by, the whole church can be the difference between success and failure.  Work on defining the vision early in the process, and use it constantly throughout the year to aid in decision making, as a rallying cry for the troops, and as a yardstick for success. 

For 2012 our vision is “Giving outside your life”.

Cast your vision!

6 Responses »

 

I Wish I Could Be a Brother Like That

by Doug Nichols

Years ago in the Philippines, I heard a story of a man who parked his car in his office complex in downtown Manila. There was a street boy nearby and to pick up some money, he asked if he could watch (guard) the man’s car while he was in the office.

Several hours later, when the man came back to get his nice Mercedes, he paid the boy some loose change and, as he was getting in his car, the little street boy said, “Mister, you sure have a nice car.” The man was quite surprised that this boy had even spoken to him and said, “Well, thank you.” Then the little boy said, “Where did you get your car? Did somebody give it to you?” The man replied, “Well yes, somebody did give it to me. My brother gave it to me.”

As he continued to get in the car, he expected the boy to say something like, “Oh, I wish I had a brother who would give me a nice car.” Instead, he heard the little boy say, “Your brother gave it to you? I wish I could be a brother like that.”

The man was so amazed at the statement of the little boy, he asked, “Have you ever been in a nice car like this?” The little boy said, “No.” The man replied, “Well, get in. Let me give you a ride.” The boy jumped up in the front seat and as they drove down the road, the man had to roll down the windows because the little boy was so smelly.

The boy was so joyful and in awe that he said, “Sir, could we go get my little brother and give him a ride too?” The man said, “Tell me about your brother. Where is he?” The boy pointed at a poor slum area of Manila called Tondo. They drove there and parked and the man said, “Go get your brother and we will give him a ride.”

The little boy ran down a filthy alleyway and a few minutes later came back with his little brother on his back, as he was crippled! The man said, “So this is your little brother; what’s wrong with him?” as they put him up in the front seat. The little boy said, “He had an accident. He’s crippled and can’t walk.”

As they drove and talked, the man found out that the brother had a crippling accident and because his family was so poor, they could not get him the medical care he needed.

The businessman said, “Well, my brother is a doctor. Why don’t we go see him and find out what he can do for your little brother.” After the examination they found that after a simple operation, the boy would be able to walk again. The operation was performed and the little boy who could not walk, but had a brother who loved him, was able to walk again.

Why did all this happen? Simply because of the unselfishness of someone caring for someone else, rather than for himself. So, might we have the words on our lips, “I wish I could be a brother (or mother, father, sister, fellow worker) like that.”

In the words of the missionary, the Apostle Paul, …regard one another as more important than themselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others(Philippines 2:3-4, nasb).

Yes, “I wish I could be a brother like that.”

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Silence is the relative or total lack of audible sound. By analogy, the word silence may also refer to any absence of communication, even in media other than speech. Silence is also used as total communication, in reference to non verbal communication and spiritual connection. Silence is also referred to no sounds uttered by anybody in a room and or area. Silence is a very important factor in many cultural spectacles, as in rituals.

In discourse analysis, brief absences of speech mark the boundaries of prosodic units used by speakers. Silence in speech can be the result of hesitation, stutters, self-correction, or the deliberate slowing of speech for the purpose of clarification or processing of ideas. These are short silences. Longer pauses in language occur in interactive roles, reactive tokens, or turn-taking.

According to cultural norms, silence can be interpreted as positive or negative. For example, in a Christian Methodist faith organization silence and reflection during the sermons might be appreciated by the congregation, while in a Southern Baptist church, silence might mean disagreement with what is being said, or perhaps disconnectedness from the congregated community.

Deaf people function in a completely silent culture.

Placing the index finger in front of closed lips is the most widely recognized gesture of silence. The gesture can be used to demand silence without raising one’s own voice. The rose, sometimes depicted clasped by or on top of closed lips, is another well-recognized symbol of silence stemming from various mythologies.

In Western cultures, it is sometimes difficult to interpret the message being sent by a person being silent (i.e. not speaking). It can mean anger, hostility, disinterest, or any number of other emotions. Because of this, people in Western cultures feel uneasy when one party is silent and will usually try their best to fill up the silence with small talk.

Music inherently depends on silence in some form or another to distinguish other periods of sound and allow dynamics, melodies and rhythms to have greater impact. For example, most music scores feature rests denoting periods of silence.

Argumentative silence is the rhetorical practice of saying nothing when an opponent in a debate would expect something to be said. Poorly executed, it can be very offensive, like refusing to answer a direct question. However, well-timed silence can completely throw an opponent and give the debater the upper hand.

An argument from silence (Latin: argumentum ex silentio) is an argument based on the assumption that someone’s silence on a matter suggests (“proves” when a logical fallacy) that person’s ignorance of the matter. In general, ex silentio refers to the claim that the absence of something demonstrates the proof of a proposition.

The right to silence is a legal protection enjoyed by people undergoing police interrogation or trial in certain countries. The law is either explicit or recognized in many legal systems. Violation of the right to quiet enjoyment is a common law tort.

Joseph Jordania suggested that in social animals (including humans) silence can be a sign of danger. Many social animals produce seemingly haphazard sounds are known as contact calls. These are a mixture of various sounds, accompanying the group’s everyday business (for example, foraging, feeding), and they are used to maintain audio contact with the members of the group. Some social animal species communicate the signal of potential danger by stopping contact calls and freezing, without the use of alarm calls, through silence.

Many religious traditions imply the importance of being quiet and still in mind and spirit. In Christianity, there is the silence of meditation

Perkey Avot, the Jewish Sages guide for living, states that “Tradition is a safety fence to Torah, tithing a safety fence to wealth, vows a safety fence for abstinence; a safety fence for wisdom….. is silence.”

In some traditions of Quakerism, silence is an actual part of worship services and a time to allow the divine to speak in the heart and mind. Eckhart Tolle says that silence can be seen either as the absence of noise, or as the space in which sound exists, just as inner stillness can be seen as the absence of thought, or the space in which thoughts are perceived.

A common way to remember a tragic incident and to remember the victims or casualties of such an event is a commemorative moment of silence. This usually means one or more minutes of silence, in which one is supposed to not speak, but instead remember and reflect on the event. A commemorative silence may be held at a workplace, a school, and similar institutions. Sometimes a government will advertise a commemorative silence for a specific period at a specific time, which everybody is encouraged (but not forced) to honor. One such example is after the events of 9/11, and on its anniversary several years afterward, when many governments around the world announced 3*minutes of silence in respect of the victims of the event.

Thanks for reading today!