KennethBow's Blog

Do you have a controlling pastor?

Max walked up to Pastor Sunday night after service, and asked “ Hey Pastor, would you have time to pop up to the university one day this week and have coffee with me?”

Pastor concealed his surprise and smiled, and said, “Max I’d be glad to.  What day”

So it was a Tuesday as Pastor walked on campus, wondering what this was all about.

He spotted Max sitting at a table in the student center and was greeted by a genuine smile of welcome.

Max asked Pastor if he had ever been on campus before and Pastor admitted he hadn’t.

“So Max, what is this all about” asked Pastor?  Max sobered up and began to explain.

“Well sir, you know two weeks ago when you talked to me about that situation God spoke to you about?” Pastor was nodding slowly now.  Max continued, “Well I feel like I was gone, falling and on my way to being lost when God talked to you.  Honestly Elder, I do not ever want to even get close to the edge again.”

“I thought I had everything concealed and no one would ever know I was starting to see that unsaved girl.  It never went very far, but we did hang out together and even met and went to Sonic once.  We sat in the car and began to kiss.  I knew it was wrong.  I have been born and raised in the church and I have been taught never to date anyone outside the church, but I messed up.”

“It started slow.  We were in an English class together.  I saw her in the library and stopped to chat.  I sat down not knowing the path I started down that day.  Honestly Pastor, I never intended for it to go anywhere, or end up like it did.  Somehow I got more and more involved with her, and then that day at the Sonic: when we kissed for a long time.”

“I was pretty shocked when you came up to me that Sunday and told me God had talked to you about me.  Then when you began to tell me exactly what I had done and that God had revealed it to you, well that was, uh, well, to be honest I was dumbfounded!”

“So I asked you here today because I have decided to take some steps to make sure it never happens again”. Max slid a piece of paper across the table to his pastor. “That sir is all my information and passwords.  I want you to monitor every email, every text message, every phone call I make until you feel I can be trusted not to fall into this trap again.”

It had been many years since the seasoned Man of God had been this bamboozled!  He was speechless.  He looked down at the paper on the desk.  Listed were Max’s email address with his password.  Next were his cell phone number, the carrier, and the password to log on and check his calls and texts.

Pastor said, “Max are you sure about this? “ Max slowly nodded his head and replied, “Looking back I now realize that I had already backslid even though I still never missed a service. I was already in freefall Elder and you and Jesus reached over the edge of the cliff and snatched me back to safety.  Pastor, I never want to get anywhere near that close to going to hell again as long as I live.”

“Pastor I would also like you to walk the campus here with me today.  I would like to show you where my classes are and invite you to stop by any time and see me when I change classes or when I am on this campus.”

Pastor felt a tear begin it’s decent down his cheek as he looked into the eyes of the young man he had pastored for the last 22 years.  “Max, I just have one more question.”  Max  looked up, “Sure Pastor, anything.”

The Man of God chose his words carefully. “Max, what about your father? He is a good man, and a member of our church for many years.  However, we both know he feels like I control our people and their lives.  Won’t he see this as me controlling you by monitoring your emails and texts?”

Max smiled.  “Yep, I am pretty sure he will.” Pastor said, “So how will we handle that?”

Max answered, “Maybe he needs to learn the difference between control and accountability. This might be the best opportunity for my dad to stop trying to protect his son from what he misidentifies as control.”

Max continued, “Pastor I asked you here today.  I willingly gave you my information, and I ask you to hold me accountable so I do not end up lost.”

As the pastor slowly walked back to his car on a beautiful spring day, it seemed the sun was shining like it hadn’t in many, many years.

Max had learned a lesson no university could teach, a valuable life lesson.

Holding someone accountable is not controlling them, it is protecting them.

Thanks for reading today.

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It was a Friday afternoon, in July, 1975.

I was working for UPS. I had a little break time left so I stopped at the coffee shop. (A coffee shop is what there was before Starbucks). Most of the drivers from UPS stopped there in the afternoons.  The waitress came to my table and told me I had a phone call.

When I answered the phone, my world was forever changed.

My supervisor told me to bring my truck in immediately.  I asked what was up.  He said there had been an accident with my family and he would tell me when I got in the center.  I demanded he tell me if it involved my wife or daughter, he said no it was about my mother.  There had been an accident and she could not be located.

My mother had been murdered.

As I write this so many years later, the pain and shock is still so vivid.  Some things do not dim with time.  They remain ever fresh, pungent, alive, and painful.

The next few days were terrible. It took three days to locate her body.  Then there was the funeral, and days and days of just a blur.

Just a week before this tragedy, my mother had stood across the hospital bed of the man who murdered her and asked me to teach her a bible study.

I was so excited that she wanted to know more about God.  My mother had a rough life.  She and my father divorced when I was three.  Mom went on to marry 5 more times before her tragic murder when she was only 42 years old.  Her last husband was the man who murdered her.

He was a brute and a beast.  He was a large powerful man.  He beat my brother with a rubber hose until I did not recognize my own brother.

The night my mother asked me for a bible study, this husband of hers was in the hospital with a heart attack.  I went to the hospital. Little did I know that my mother had  a little over a week to live.

If I had known my 42 year old mother would be dead in 9 days I would have dropped everything and prayed with her.  She was a backslider with two brief sojourns in church.  Both times she had prayed through she had stayed in church just a few days or weeks at best.

But I did not know.  Neither do you.  Today is all we have.

How will you use this day?

Will you wallow in self pity?

Will you throw away a wonderful 24 hour gift locked in a mind loop of things you cannot change?

Will you allow anger to take the microphone and filibuster?

Who needs you today?  Who can you show love and approval to today?  Where can you distribute happiness today?

Today is all you have!  It is yours to spend as you choose.

My hope is you take today by the throat and demand full payment for all the zest and joy it can bring!  I pray you shake off any element that would rob you of the abundant life Jesus Christ promised us.

Honestly, I am simply amazed that you would take a few moments of your day to read this blog.  From my heart I thank you.  I do not take that lightly or take it for granted.

In a terrible way, the day my mother was murdered is a day that has lived forever in my mind.

I am glad there are other days that also live forever.  The day I received the Holy Ghost.  The day my daughter sang her first special in church.  The day my grandson won a trophy in Bible quizzing.

Sand never flows upward in the hourglass of time.  Tomorrow’s sand cannot flow through before today’s sand. I cannot place tomorrow’s gold in my purse today. Tomorrow lies buried with yesterday.  Today is all I have.

If for any reason today should be my last, then let me drink each minute to the full.  Let me savor it and give thanks.

Thanks for reading today!

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