So, How Desperate Are You?

Every last one of us have those certain relatives that are our least favorite.  I know a guy who has this aunt and her husband who top his list of least favorite relatives.

He tells me his reasons are myriad. He says she dominated him growing up and bossed him to no end.  While talking to him one day he told me the craziest story I have heard in years.

This aunt of  my friend and her husband were church goers, and after several years were pretty convinced that God had special assignments for them.  Well, their pastor did not share their opinion when he was informed of their intentions.

Well, naturally, when the pastor could not hear from God, (in their opinion), it was time to launch out on their own and pursue their divine calling.

So no one was surprised when they decided to open their own church, and do things the way God was instructing them.  After all they were unique, and the Man of God in their life was not tuned in to the right spiritual frequency.

So they opened shop quite sure the multitudes would flock their way.  They certainly had known all the answers in their church when they attended there, and now was the moment to put their revelations into action!

Well, something seemed a little wrong after several weeks when they could not get any one to attend their services they were holding in their living room.  It must be the community! Or maybe people just were not aware of the incredible opportunity being presented at their small community of about 12,000.

Whatever the reason, they were convinced they needed “Exposure.”  So they were “Led of the Lord” to have an old-fashioned brush arbor meeting right alongside the highway into town.

Out came the tools.  Ax, saw, hammer, chainsaw all made their appearance as these missionaries to suburban America started in like a colony of beavers! Rough-hewn benches with no backs were fashioned.  Man were they fired up.  Just wait till the passing cars saw this, why there would be a traffic jam on highway 17!

Excitement and faith filled the air their first night as she broke out the accordion.  He had his best striped overalls on, with the bible under his arm.  They were ready for the deluge of sinners that were sure to come running to the altar!

Well, the first night was a bust!  No one stopped.  Faith diminished a bit, but hey, God was just testing them!  They would show their metal, ain’t no quitters in this church!

The second night was the same. Then the third.  The first week brought not a single person to their brush arbor revival.  Hundreds of cars were whizzing by and could see them plainly out there with the striped overalls and the accordion.

Okay God, what is the problem they inquired?  It was then my friend told me the most hilarious revival story I have heard! This spiritually “gifted” man and woman became convinced the only thing standing between them and the deluge of sinners waiting to come ,was a few people in the crowd.

So, how to do that? They thought, they prayed, they fasted.  Finally God showed them the answer (Yeah right!)  They were led by God to go and buy some blow up dolls (life size), to put out on the benches so the crowds would be relaxed to come on in!

After much prayer the husband announced the only place he knew that had such life sized dolls was the pornography place over on the state line!  Assuring his wife he had nothing but the purest of motives, and was making a tremendous sacrifice, he set out to get some “Saint bait”, or “Sinner bait”, depending on your point of view.

It did seem to her he was gone a long time to just buy some inflatable dolls.  He did eventually return though.  Sure enough, he had purchased five life sized female dolls.

These particular models did not come with clothes so they set about to “Pentecostalize” them.  After several hours of huffing and puffing, blowing and wrestling with these dolls, they were ready!

Whew! Just in time for church too!  Then more disappointment struck.  The stupid dolls would not stay upright.  The slightest breeze toppled them every which way.  Their clothes kept getting all twisted up.  They tied the dolls, they taped the dolls, they weighted them down.

Church started a little late that night, with the pastor and his wife sweaty and frustrated, but hope still ruled the night.  Song after song, no visitors! Finally a stirring message wasted on airheads and no visitors.

There were tears that night, but they were the tears of the pastor and his wife!

My friend said the last he heard they still did not have anyone in their church, but they became convinced they were being persecuted for the name of Jesus!

So friend, how desperate are you for revival….:)

For the record, I am not that desperate!

Thanks  for reading today!

P. S. This is a true story!